2009 Summer Season Award Winners

League MVP- The Marion Cop

We don’t know his real name, heck we don’t even know if he really is a Marion cop. What we do know is this shooting guard is an assassin from mid range and he assassinates for two different teams every Tuesday night. In 4 matchups against 6 Ft Over this summer the “Marion Cop” shot 75% from the field and averaged 29.3 points per game. Unguardable, indefensible and unconscious are expressions that come to mind with the “Marion Cop”.

Defensive Player of the Year- “Tom”

We’d love to have given this award to Richard “Dick” Dengler but the 6 Ft Over swingman didn’t play in enough games to qualify. The award goes to “Tom” from Team No D/Barta. “Tom” was a force in the paint this summer. He is athletic and long which allows him to change many of his man’s shots. While guarding 6 Ft Over Center Nick Hach “Tom” is able to block shots and only foul 90% of the time.

Coach of the Year- “Uncle Fester”

Uncle Fester had to both play for and coach the band of goons that make up Team Josiah. A supporting cast that featured un-coachable and talentless players forced Fester to elevate his game and his coaching. Fester has yet to lead Josiah to a win from the bench or the court but wins aren’t required to claim this award. A funny appearance will do.

Mismatch of the Year- 6 Ft Over vs. Hello Kitty

The fact that 6 Ft Over players thought they might have a chance because of experience makes this one more laughable. Four 16 year old boys (all without shirts) pounded 6 Ft Over mercilessly one lonely August evening. Hello Kitty only won by 50 some points and would have won by a 100 or more if 6 Ft Over hadn’t signed a Kirkwood player out of the crowd right before tipoff.

Game of the Year- No D vs. Team Barta

Since both teams have players that play for both teams what happens when they play each other? The “Marion Cop” probably plays offense for both sides and never misses a shot.

Sportsmanship Award- The Rotund Guy from Team Josiah

“You do that again with your elbow and I’ll lay you out,” the obese forward said to Aaron Shupert. Mr. Rotund had simply been the victim of Shupert’s patented swinging hook move. Why such a violent threat?

1st Team All YMCA

C. Nick Hach – Led league in dunks, times fouled and foul arguments.
F. Uncle Fester – Smooth lefty who can dominate from inside or out. Odd looking fellow.
F. Jeff Gordon- Jeff rolls into the gym sporting NASCAR gear but when he gets on the court he’s lights out.
G. The Marion Cop- What more needs to be said? The guy doesn’t miss and he’s always moving to get open.
G. 16 Year Old Boy- This kid was tall and fast. Good combo for a baller. Able to finish at the rim with either hand.

2nd Team All YMCA

C. “Tom”- Blocks shots, scores and bitches with the best of them.
F. King Kong Bundy- Size. Easily could have played lineman in the NFL. Chooses to shot 30 footers and fadeaways.
F. Jim Carey- If you can look past the headband and goggles he is a solid post player.
G. Elias Abodely- He’s slow. He’s fat. He smells bad. He’ll put 20 points on your ass.
G. Walt Frazier- Cool throwback gear, laidback game. Walt dribbles up the floor and launches bad 3’s. Every time.

6 Ft Over Prepares for Rubbermatch

Team Ace and 6 Ft Over have developed a rivalry in the YCMA league this summer. Team Ace is still bitter over the crushing loss handed to them by the undermanned 6 Ft Over back in June. So bitter was Team Ace that they refused to show up for the rematch during the late summer season. It was that night, you may recall, that 6 Ft Over stunned the YMCA All-Stars on their home court.

On September 1st Team Ace finally showed up for a rematch and won the game fairly easily. It was apparent during the contest the Team Ace didn’t like 6 Ft Over and 6 Ft Over didn’t like Team Ace. The rubbermatch should take place tomorrow evening at the Helen G Nassif YMCA in beautiful downtown Cedar Rapids. The 8:30 start concerns 6 Ft Over management for 2 reasons. A few unnamed players have struggled to resist using intoxicants between the end of the work day and the start of the game. Reason #2 is that Team Ace has several parolees on their squad who may not be allowed out of the house by their PO after 8 pm. That may explain their no show back in July. If everyone shows as scheduled expect to see a competitive game.

Video Recap Comming Soon!

For the first time ever 6Ft Over has gone digital. Stay tuned for the video recap of the startling showdown between team Barta and 6Ft Over last night at the Stoney Point gymnasium.

Reiners 'Probable" Against Team Barta

Saying that his injured hamstring now is at 85% Reiners assured teammates that he will be suited and booted come Tuesday night.

When asked how the hamstring was injured Reiners at first declined to elaborate other than saying it was “non-basketball” related. When pushed further Reiners admitted that the tightness in his left hamstring was caused by some late night dancing. The fancy moves apparently involved crouching incredibly low to the ground while simulating the rolling of dice. The movements can place incredible strain on ones lower body.

Reiners refused comment on whether or not alcohol fueled his decision making Saturday night. He simply declared that dancing is not a violation of his 6 Ft Over contract and that we will play his normal average floor game Tuesday night.

6 Ft Over Chokes Again

6 Ft Over suffered a humiliating defeat at the Helen G. Nassif YMCA Tuesday evening. Rarely does 6 Ft Over matchup against a less talented squad but that was the case against Team Rush. Somehow Team Rush was able to pull out a 3 point win despite trailing by double digits in the 1st half.

Tuesday’s defeat was particularly demoralizing because Team Rush spent most of the game throwing wild, cross court baseball passes that were easily intercepted by 6 Ft Over defenders. Despite a huge advantage in the turnover battle 6 Ft Over converted on very few scoring opportunities.

Nick Hach posted the majority of his team’s points in the contest. He watched from the low block helplessly as his teammates shot a woeful 17% from the floor.

“I’m looking forward to the Aegon competitive league when I can play against instead of with these fools,” the frustrated post-man commented.

Hach also provided the game’s shining moment in the 2nd half. While steaming down the middle of the lane like a locomotive he caught a brave defender in the eye with his elbow. After the bucket was scored and play moved towards the other end that brave defender staggered up the court with blood pouring out of a gash above his left eye.

The bloodied defender took it all in stride and proved that he was as tough as his MMA “Tapout” shirt suggested he was. His teammates then rallied behind him while he had his eye tended to. A massive player on the opposing team who resembled King Kong Bundy started draining 3’s and fade-away jumpers and suddenly Team Rush led late in the game.

Despite the piss poor performance 6 Ft Over was in the game down to the last minute. Reiners left a wide open 3 short that would have put his team up 1. After regaining possession Hach missed a 3 that would have tied the game. Hasenmiller then took his turn and missed a 3 to tie before the clock ran out.

Next week expect 6 Ft Over to be pasted by Team Barta by 25 ½ points. The season has turned ugly.

Around the League......

Team Yellowbook took another beating last night at the hands of Team Ace. The bumbling group of phone book salesmen were no match for the unskilled laborers of Team Ace. Yellowbook, as usual, was paced by their 5’6 shooting guard who received little help from his legion of sales people. The muscle bound phone book broker again showed why he belongs out in the field hawking ad space to plumbing companies. He now leads the league in missed layups and foul complaints after Tuesdays contest. Yellowbook’s defensive performance last night was just as poor as their sales numbers were last quarter. Team Ace had a field day in the open court and ran away to an easy 30 point victory.

Team Yellowbook’s season is in shambles and the chances of a turnaround are dim. There are rumors circulating around the league that ownership is applying pressure on the squad to start winning. A source speaking on a condition of anonymity stated there is a strong possibility that Yellowbook will have their $200 sponsorship fee revoked if they don’t pull out at least one victory.

“They better start selling more phonebooks if they want to cover their entry fee next year,” the unnamed source commented.

6 Ft Over Covers Spread

6 Ft Over entered Tuesday’s game as 35 ½ point underdogs to Team No D. The last time the teams met in June the old men of No D soundly beat the twenty something’s of 6 Ft Over. Nothing was supposed to be different last night but 6 Ft Over had a few tricks up their sleeve.

Richard “Dick” Dengler had his academic suspension lifted early Tuesday. Rich walked into the gym with a beaming smile much to the surprise of his adoring cheering section. It wasn’t exactly Willis Reed coming back for Game 7 of the NBA Finals but Dengler did spark 6 Ft Over with offensive rebounding and tough defense.

The mysterious “Charlie” made his season debut and contributed to the teams hot start. Charlie said little to his new teammates but did participate in the game’s only argument when he called a white haired opponent a “bitch” for complaining about moving screens.

The extra bodies helped 6 Ft Over start out red hot from the floor. The youngsters jumped out to a quick 15 point lead and Team No D seemed to be cracking as they called each other out for defensive shortcomings.

Hach worked his mustachioed opponent under the glass, Hasenmiller drained a few 3’s and Shupert briefly thought he was playing one on one Volleyball against Dengler during one early sequence.

I was looking good until late in the 1st half when No D again became unconscious from the field and sunk 6 or 7 straight buckets to close the gap to 3 at halftime.

As 6 Ft Over has grown in popularity so has its cheering section. Tuesday’s game drew a whopping 3 fans breaking the previous mark of 2 fans set last season. Nick Hach used halftime as an opportunity to socialize with the ever expanding fan club.

“It’s weird not seeing you in a bar,” Hach said with a wink and a smile to a female fan.

As the 2nd half wore on Team No D meticulously wrestled the lead away from 6 Ft Over. Back in June, No D’s remarkably accurate outside shooting allowed them to pull away to a 50 point victory. Last night the shooting wasn’t as accurate, but it still was enough to provide them with a small cushion.

6 Ft Over managed to close the gap to 3 with about two minutes to go. Option A, B and C then became Hach in the post, wait for the defense to collapse and then shoot a 3. On a key late game possession Hach threw up a wild hook shot but managed to tip the ball back to Hasenmiller behind the arc. Justin lined up an open shot but it fell short.

“I jumped too f***** high,” Justin said in regards to his 8 inch vertical.

No D then salted away their 5 point victory by making 8 out of 10 free throws down the stretch.

Dengler discussed his comeback and future with the team in the parking lot after the game.

“I’ll tell you what man as long as that game is early I’ll be here in Cedar Rapids ready to go. I’ve got this online class I have to attend from 9 to 10 on Tuesdays though ,so the late games are no good.”

Neither Justin, Shoop nor Reiners had ever heard of online classes that require weekly attendance and glanced at each other curiously while they listened to the reinstated swingman.

Next week is a brand new opponent Team Rush. 6 Ft Over has a long history of being throttled by new opponents and that is a trend they hope to change next week

6 Ft Over Winning Streak Ends at 1

6 Ft Over came into their game against Team Ace with a great deal of confidence. They were winners of 1 straight and had beaten Team Ace on opening night last season with only 4 players. They even added another ex-college basketball player to the squad and fielded a full team for the first time in recent memory.

Charlie was expected to join the team to replace Dengler but was unavailable. Hach delivered a replacement in the form of Mt. Mercy basketball legend Adam Olson. The honorary 6 Ft Over member came to the squad with high credentials. Nick Hach informed that Adam was Mt. Mercy’s single season record holder for 3 point field goal percentage. After a 3-22 shooting performance Tuesday he now holds a 6 Ft Over career record for lowest field goal percentage at 13%.

Nick Hach paced 6 Ft Over throughout the contest and even managed to get into only two arguments over fouls. During one sequence it appeared that Team Ace called an offensive foul on Nick which was unusual given that it was a pickup basketball game. Hach did come into the game slightly distracted. The late start gave him time to take in a few pre-game beers and even allowed him to dump his girlfriend prior to tip off.

Team Ace shot a high percentage of lay ups and led comfortably throughout the 1st half. Their guards were cherry picking at half court most of the game and exploited their quickness advantage in one on one situations.

6 Ft Over caught fire in the 2nd half and cut the lead down to 4 at one point. Shupert suddenly became Ben Gordon and helped erase the double digit deficit. His man repeatedly allowed him the lineup wide open 3 pointers and shoot over him in the post. Shoop obliged and during one stretch hit for 11 straight points.

The league didn’t send its best score keepers to the 8:30 contest. It seemed that during large stretches of the 1st half the score keeper wasn’t paying attention to the game and instead chose to holler at various girls that were in the gym. When a Team Ace player threw down a dunk with still a minute to go the two score keepers abandoned their duties and ran onto the court screaming like zoo animals let out of a cage.

In the end 6 Ft Over suffered a somewhat bitter defeat in a winnable game. Next week’s opponent is Team No D. Last season No D put a 45 point whipping on 6 Ft Over. In early betting No D opened as a 38 ½ point favorite.