6ft Collapse

Another disappointing loss for 6ft Over capped a Tuesday that was full of turmoil. The AP had reported earlier that day that the infamous Guatemalan Gunner, Marco de Leon, had been signed on loan from the Guatemalan National team to play with 6ft Over for their season opener. As it turned out in a strange twist of events, Enrique Sanchez Vicario, The Guatemalan coach, decided to cancel the transfer at the last minute, leaving 6ft Over up a river and without a paddle.

6ft Over had one last hope for a sub that day and that hope rested in the hands of a notorious Cedar Rapids thug, T-Money. T-Money had previously contacted 6ft Over in an attempt to secure his spot in the YMCA league drug trafficking arena. T-Money wanted to make sure that anyone that was participating was getting their dope from him. A 6’5” lanky black man, T-Money promised that he would dunk on anyone who stood in his way if given the shot to play for 6ft Over. However, T-Money also was unable to attend the game due to a outpour of gang violence that erupted on Cedar Rapids Southeast side.

So with Nick Hach tending to his kitchen and the Ryan brothers safely nuzzled up with their blankets at home, 6ft Over was forced to start another contest with no substitutes. As it turned out this spelled disaster to the once proud franchise. 6ft Over jumped out to a comfortable lead in the first half using their size advantage with Shupert in the post. However, once fatigue started to set in they fell to a 15-0 run and never saw the light of day again. The 100+ degree temperature inside the Stoney Point gym did not help things as 6ft Over found themselves gasping for air and staggering up and down the court. Late in the second half they found one last run in them where they cut the lead to 7 points. This didn’t last though as Hasenmiller and Reiners were unable to capture previous magic and went 0-10 down the stretch. Shupert started getting so frustrated he decided to just run through picks as hard as possible in attempt to injure the other team. In the end 6ft Over started playing the foul game but it was futile as they could not convert a shot at the other end.

After the game, Dick Dengler noted that he thought something might have been physically wrong with him as he was not able to shoot, dribble, or pass the ball. It is more likely that another weekend of heavy drug use and alcohol consumption did Dick in.

In other news not previously reported, 6ft Over went 1-3 against 4 make shift squads filled with athletic downtown locals in their preseason debut last weak. No further details were given.

6 Ft Over Signs Guatemalan Gunner

Marco de Leon has decided to take a break from his obligations to the Guatemalan National Team to join 6 Ft Over. De Leon has not suited up for his North American squad in well over a year. It is not known how well he will adjust to the American game after playing for Guatemala for so long.

The coach of the Guatemalan national team Enrique Sanchez Vicario stated that de Leon will simply be loaned to 6 Ft Over on a game by game basis.

de Leon shot 2-9 dished out 1 assist and grabbed 2 rebounds, to go along with 6 turnovers, in his last appearance for 6 Ft Over.

6 Ft Over Stuns "A" Leaguers

Richard Dengler took one look at last nights nights substitute opponent and immediately conceded defeat.

"The YMCA All-Stars? Oh man I don't know, the baseball all star game is on. I'd rather watch that than be embarrassed," the young Dengler declared.

Richard was eventually talked into sticking around for the game and was able to participate in the greatest victory in team history.

6 Ft Over was schedule to take on team "Ace" in a rematch of their Week 1 victory. "Ace" was nowhere to be found at tip-off so the director of the YMCA league held a quick expansion draft and came up with our opponent. He selected himself and three 6'5 players from the "A" league" One player chosen, Trent Gaines, sported a Prime Time League jersey which I assume he had because he played in the Prime Time League. Slightly intimidating but as they say that's why we play the games.

Things started slowly for 6 Ft Over as they tried to cope with their disadvantages. Size, speed, ballhandling and athleticism were amongst the advantages that belonged to the "YMCA All-Stars". 6 Ft Over did show off some cohesiveness as they consistently beat their opponents with back cuts and quick secondary fast breaks that resulted in open looks. At the half the all-stars seemed a bit amused that their opponents were hanging with them as they led by only single digits.

The 2nd half turned into the Justin Hasenmiller show as he put on his best Steve Kerr impression while knocking down a career high 6 three pointers. Richard Dengler had the unfortunate experience of being guarded by Gaines, the Prime Time Leaguer, who was so much quicker than him it was impossible to dribble the basketball. Dengler did a decent job however, in limiting his man's effectiveness on offensive. Reiners took a turn guarding Gaines and during one sequence was so faked out that he ended up getting a steal because he had yet to move from the 1st fake and was still in the same position when he was hit with the 2nd spin.

Somehow the ball kept bouncing 6 Ft Over's way and they held a small lead with under 2 minutes to go. The "YMCA All-Stars" decided to turn the game into a free throw shooting contest which turned out to be an intelligent choice. Reiners stepped to the line and made 1 of 2. Hassenmiller bricked a few. Dengler missed a pair. Hach dropped in 1 of 2. Not exactly clutch free throw shooting but 6 Ft Over still clung to a 2 point lead with 2 seconds left. The all-stars drew up a quick play, dropped the ball into the post, threw up a wild shot and called a questionable foul with 0.0 on the clock. In a turn of cheaters luck, their free throw shooter barely caught rim and the upset was complete.

ACE a no show, Dengler cowers at sight of replacement squad

Shoop- “Hey, the other team is a no show so the guy who runs it is just gonna have those guys play us over there.”

Rich- “Who, those black guys?”

Shoop- “Yep, he’s rounding ‘em up now.”

Rich- “What? Awww nawwww the YMCA All-Stars??? Man…. I don’t know….the YMCA All-Stars!!!”

Shoop- “What it will be fine, we can hold our own.”

Rich- “Man, you know that All-Star game is on right now, I think I would rather just go home and watch that then play these guys and get beat down..”

Shoop- “Man, what is you problem, it’s a good work out, we will be fine.”

Rich- “Man.. I don’t know..” (Leaves with tail tucked between legs to get a drink)

6 Ft Over additional notes....

Morgan and Dante Ryan attended last nights beat down giving 6 Ft Over their first official in game fans.

6 Ft Over Receives Drubbing

6 Ft Over took a shellacking last night at the hands of Team Barta. The final tally was 76-51 and there was not a lot of good, or funny news to report. The "lack of a sub" handicap that has gripped the squad during this summer season once again reared its ugly head. Brock Ryan was temporarily suspended for one game due to academic issues. New addition Nick Hach was unable to give it a go because he was still hung over on Tuesday night from a weekend bender.

That left the usual starting 4 who all played well below their "abilities" on Tuesday. Reiners started the contest by missing his first 7 shots from the floor and was embarrassingly scored upon once by a 5'8 shirtless man who took him to the post. Hasenmiller's airball to made shot ratio was about 1:1. Shupert shot 3 of 14 in the paint but did avoid injury. Richard briefly found an advantage while posting up his smaller defender but struggled when for the first time in his young life, he was double and triple teamed.

A Marion cop with an excellent jump shot torched 6 Ft Over for the second time this season (he apparently plays for 2 separate teams). Other than the cop Team Barta had two other solid guards that scored at will from the perimeter.

Next week is a rematch of the Week 1 instant classic against Team Ace. 6 Ft Over fans may recall that Week 1 game in which 6 Ft Over, without a sub, erased a 10 point deficit in the final minutes and held of a late rally to win by 1. Remember, following the close loss a member of Team Ace commented "How did we lose to these guys?" 6 Ft Over will be out to prove the Week 1 upset was no fluke.

6 Feet Over Discovers Winning Way

Losers in 4 straight games 6 Ft Over has been forced to make some changes from the top down. In an effort to stockpile bodies 6 Ft Over has added depth to its bench. Enter Nick Hach a 6'5 rebounding machine with nifty post moves. Brock Ryan also has been able to recover from his weekend benders in time to play in 2 of the last 3 ball games.

With 6 fresh bodies the squad matched up well against team "Josiah" who featured 3 middle aged men shaped like bowling balls and one Adams Family reject with a pretty nice lefty hook shot.

Hach went to work early on Uncle Fester as 6 Ft Over jumped out to the lead. Hasenmiller and Reiners were shocked to find that they were actually quicker than the men that were guarding them and easily drove to the paint for a couple buckets.

Despite their athletic advantages 6 Ft Over found themselves leading by only a point at intermission. It was at halftime that defensive specialist Richard Dengler decided to make a strategic change.

"I want to guard #1," Dengler proclaimed, eager to take on the defensive challenge.

As his teammates glanced at the opposition it was noticed that every single player on team "Josiah" wore a #1 on their back. It was unclear who Dengler intended to guard in the second half.

The game remained close for much of the 2nd half as Hach struggled to get a shot off without being hammered by the 40 something lefty that scored over half of team "Josiah's" points.

Dengler provided an offensive spark with a jumper and a breakaway layup for a 4 point lead. Super sub Brock Ryan checked in and drained a 3 to provide a comfortable 7 point cushion.

The contest never got much closer from then on as 6 Ft Over recorded their first win since week one, 62-47. Up next is Team Barta which most certainly will contain more than one player with a hint of basketball talent.